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Pentonville 5:29 Fri Sep 17
I need to explain.

Please no trolls and piss takes.
This is real and I'm holding it together and I'm trying. I'm completely floored mentally. I have a son and a wife. Both probably terrified.
I just need to say I did just now read all messages. Thank you to you all. I'm not attention seeking. I didn't even see the game. I was asleep. I have to sleep at moment whenever I can because I'm trying to sleep myself into life.
I'd never hurt my kids or my wife. I'm just so messed up mentally. Everything has hit me at once. Just know I'm grateful for all ur messages. Please don't reply on this. I just need to know u all know I'm grateful truly. We shall see. Looks amazing over there and I'm so happy we won. Xx.

Pentonville 12:39 Sat Sep 18
Re: I need to explain.

That's 2 huge concussions.
Chelsea game and being stabbed in head in Malaysia.
Complex ptsd.
Shall I write a list. Again.
Mental.
Don't Reply I'm realising my life.

Pentonville 12:36 Sat Sep 18
Re: I need to explain.

I am now entering embarrassing. Tonight.
The asp story is cos It knocked me out and then I was brought round and taken to sheperds Bush nick and let out once game is over..so allowed to nearly kill someone who will later in life realise it. And then get mocked for talking about it.


Please don't reply. Let this be my therapy. I want to write stuff

Pentonville 12:27 Sat Sep 18
Re: I need to explain.

Someone said here that I need serious help. We all do. I live in a foreign country. Mate I'll bring u here one day. I have a very degenerative Brian disease. Of complex ptsd. My messages 2 weeks ago were far more wild and weird and shit. I tried to kill myself. I was brought back. I am now working my way back. I do it by writing how I feel.
Marvin Herbert wants me to call for my story but I don't want that. I want my privacy but that's complex ptsd is u want one thing one minute and next thing next minute. All of u are fathers. Please just listen to them. In 2 months u can take the piss out of me. Especially crossed hammers. I'm looking forward to it cos it means I'm there. I hope man. I beg God that in 6 hours I don't feel too disgusting.

Pentonville 12:14 Sat Sep 18
Re: I need to explain.

I'm awake. It's 23.07 here. I have read messages and wow.
Together we will beat this. I need nothing from anyone but to be able to write things here and if you want to reply great and if not just move on.
I am coming in and out of normality. I'm not on drugs. Its withdrawals.
I'll be awake for next 2 hours but won't be reading messages cos I'll be too intent on getting shitfaced. But it's only for 2 hours this time. Not 6 hours 3 days ago. Tapering.
So I have a question
Does anyone remember a week when we played Chelsea 2 times in a week. I believe Kanoute was in team or scored. Cup and league game. I was in six bells. Loads of us. I reckon maybe 300 at least marched to the bridge. Taking piss on way. I was picked out by the old bill when we were in stadium as someone to make a show of. Grabbed and taken down stairs in the bits where you get ur sausage rolls... the old bill left me with a steward cos they had to fight my Pals who wanted me back. Animal. Shawn. Johnny Hampton and maybe 8 others. The steward smashed my head with a asp. How how I forgotten about this until tonight. Its cos I'm looking inside myself. I'm admitting I'm scared. It releases stuff. Just let me write it and don't reply cos I don't want to wake up tomorrow tomorrow feel embarrassed.

BBondsBootlaces 6:52 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

I'm not sure what this is all about but even the piss takers care.

Which is when I say, keep your chin up (both of them) you'll know what I really mean.

Side of Ham 6:30 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

I don't know if this helps so completely ignore if it doesn't help at all......

Don't let that scumbag sick cunt nonce doctor who took your childhood or that injustice of prison that sounds like it took a bit of your youth and frustrate you, dictate how your are going to lead your long adulthood. Do like the rest of us please and just DO YOUR BEST to give that son of yours and any other kids you may have in the future the back up/guidance they need off their idol. It's a relatively small window in years wise but one you can have complete control of and you'll never regret it especially when they are looking to you.

The bubbles song was written for hardship and we sing it to put two fingers up to any diversity in any form in a defiant manner.

Please try and stay defiant to what you've had to go through feller, many of us couldn't of got this far.

Yours,

SoH ignorant cunt to what your are going through trying to help not offend.

wd40 5:56 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

Focus on what you have and who loves you

Don't be frighten take some credit for all the positives you have made in the past - we all have regrets but sod them cant change things.

beef yourself up start taking that credit which is over due .

joyo 4:51 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

No need to explain mate and glad West Ham winning helps...you're proper so you will pull through

Count of Zoltania 12:27 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

Come On You Irons 12:10 Fri Sep 17

" I try to lead the good life (fine wine, great food, multiple women...)"

Just what I like to hear. Me old mate Lord Z will be delighted as well. He's in Peru at the moment, btw...

Russ of the BML 12:26 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

With the upmost respect, I assume Pentonville is receiving professional help? Because despite nice messages on an internet forum, from what I have read of the posts this won't be sorted by using this forum.

I hope Pentonvoille is getting the right help.

Moncurs Putting Iron 12:26 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

You didn't need to explain but I am glad you did, it's actually an unselfish act, we were all (well mostly) pretty worried and you have allayed our fears a bit.

When you look back you will see that this message shows how much progress you have made since last week.

Agree with you that it's now best to deal with away from WHO without a running commentary BUT dont go into your shell please continue to communicate with your small trusted groups of WHOers

Have a bearable, progressive weekend xx

Mike Oxsaw 12:14 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

Vexed 12:04 Fri Sep 17

Start some football threads then. YOU - not somebody else so that you can rip into them, YOU start them - use the power site admin has invested in you..

Welcome back, Penters. I'd start a shit load more threads now if I were you - just because...

Come On You Irons 12:10 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

What's causing your misery at the moment Pentonville, son?

We all get down from time to time. Life is fucking shit and pointless generally. I feel empty most of the time, hence why I try to lead the good life (fine wine, great food, multiple women, dabble with drugs etc.).

smasher. 11:39 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

Yes Bolty son. You good?

Haller I got you. Straight bits.

Block 11:25 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

You don't have to explain to anyone brother, the main thing is everyone wants you well.

Always here, you know that.

goose 11:05 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

On The Ball 10:59 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

On The Ball 10:59 Fri Sep 17
Re: I need to explain.

No-one thinks you're attention seeking mate. Everyone cares, even the trolls and piss-takers, and everyone wants to see you feeling better. Talk to those on here that you can talk to, they want to hear from you.